WWYD: You know he’s going to Propose, but your answer is NO.
This is a precarious situation I never thought I would find myself in.
It is February, the month of looooovvee and you have someone who plans on proposing to you, even though you are not dating. They showed you the ring, told you of their plans, all you have to do is show up and collect (you now live in different states).
My friend of two years is in love with an idea of me. The more I showed my authentic self the more he protested.
I was his fantasy. The idea he had of me was his fantasy.
Any attempt to raise the wool over his eyes resulted in him quickly pulling it back down, like a vampire who had gotten a glimpse of the Sun. I felt like he wanted me to lie to him, and I just could not do it anymore. It was costing me my peace.
To surround yourself with people who encourage you to be anything less than divinely made is to limit your growth.
My friend would say things to me like: “make sure you don’t sound too black… make sure you add some Spanish in there” when helping me start a GoFundMe to raise money to edit my novel, The Matriarch, a story literally on the black family. The story has a lot of intersectionality and a powerful message.
Yes, I am Hispanic, but I am also a black woman, although the world does not always see me that way- another story for another day.
Read: The Difference Between Race and Ethnicity
Engagement with, and to, sin
God gave me the scissors, all I had to do was take a leap of faith. Any engagement with this individual pulls me away from living a life true to God’s word. I had to say no to an offer symbolic to accepting sin as my life partner, instead of being the bride of Christ. Again, the Devil knows our weaknesses and desires. The timing of the proposal was not an accident.
I met him when I was lost, before I came back to God and knew who I wanted to be. Before I accepted my divine purpose. The first words he ever said to me in person were: “I like high-yellow women like you” I can’t remember his words after that because I was in shock. For the first-time in my adult-life I did not have a tan. I just moved to a state with seasons from Florida. Black people get lighter in the winter. To say his words made my blood boil is an understatement. I was hell-bent on teaching him a lesson, when really I was the one who learned.
I learned being inauthentic hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.
My assimilation was for the sake of survival, but now it is getting in the way of me living an authentic life. I can’t keep lying to make others feel better.
In my family there are individuals who look both black, white and everything in-between. This is the legacy of colonialism. My experience contrasts the people who have no choice, but to be perceived as black. They do not get to change their race at their convenience.
So yes, I said no to a man who wanted a watered-down version of me. The version with only my Sazón GOYA y no mi negrura.
I am grateful. The experience showed me, a common theme on DivinePurpose Blog, values matter. I learned of the kind of people my inauthenticity, or what my attempts to assimilate, would attract.
There is still so much progress to come. We can begin to close the gap by sharing our stories and choosing not to marry: (1) people who want us to be inauthentic, (2) people who perpetuate racism and colorism, and (3) people who do not support our walk with Christ.
As always- stay blessed,