1. As a relationship without God is a struggle, a relationship without God will not work for me.
2. Values matter.
When he told me, “I make over a million a year.”
I looked him dead-in-the-eye and flatly said “and?”
“I’m set to make two [million] next year,” he continued to flash his feathers, “I think I’ll start taking a private jet to come see you.” We had two-hours of driving distance between us and every time he closed the distance he made sure to remind me of his financial prowess. This very quickly set up the dynamic to our short lived holiday-romance.
I was proud of him and loved sharing his wins, but I felt his main talking point was money (and the Ex). I wanted MORE. I longed for depth and connection, but got none of that.
When I met him, I had no idea how much he made. I knew he was well-off like his predecessors and I was physically attracted to him- this was the bait, but the hook was him talking about respecting my desire to wait. He said he “would wait with me.” He even volunteered to go to church with me- I thought I hit the jackpot! I was like “Yes, lord! Thank you. Wow, I can’t believe you delivered so quickly. Hallelujahhh” As I type this, I am laughing. It was a test and I failed. Continue reading to find out what I learned.
He was all drama, while I- I want to say I have ZERO drama but that’s not true I just– keep my drama to myself. Mr. Banks was petty, and insecure while simultaneously being kind, handsome and well-off. His soul was hurting. He was unfulfilled and wanted me to fix it- a job much too big for any human to do. My intuition told me he was not happy within, no matter how hard he put on a façade.
But this is not about him, this is about what me entertaining him, said ABOUT ME and my values- and what God was doing.
We both were unhappy, his just manifested itself differently. My unhappiness was a silent overtone, while his blared loudly like a Puerto-Rican block party. In the moment, because I was still lying to myself, it allowed the devil room to test and tempt me. He wanted to use my weakness to cripple me.
The choice was black and white: turn my back on my faith, again, and continue in my hot-girl ways or I could change. I looked to God and He held up a mirror. He used it to make me stronger.
What the enemy meant for harm, God used for good-
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.(Genesis 50:20)
Surprisingly, the real deal-breaker in the relationship came down to something else: Mr. Bank’s not following through with his word. He knew all the right things to say, but could not back it up. When invited, he did not show up to church.
It gave me some much needed clarity: testing spiritual fruit will save you time and protect you. At the time I did not know it, but that’s what I was doing. Unfortunately, I waited to test after I had bitten it! After, he ate up a month my time.
He pushed for sex, but thankfully this time around I knew my body is not a commodity and kept sexual boundaries. If I had slept with him I would not have had the chance to learn his character before forming a soul-tie.
X + (God)=Abundance… X -(God)=Lack
A common thread in all my past relationships was me + a lack of God.
You may find yourself in a hallway between two doors. On the right you have where you have been, on the left you have where you are going. I say right-to-left because you have to go against the typical left-to-right flow. The hallway is painful and filled with uncertainty.
Leave your situation/struggle/preferences behind if you want your blessing.
Now that I trusted God and entered though the door on the left, I understand the value of a close intimate relationship with God.
Before, when I was in the room on the right, I asked God for a man with the things on my list: similar values, financial stability and a heart after His, to name a few.
After I exited, my life began to change because I made space for God. I allowed Him to change my mindset, my surroundings, my actions. In the beginning of the hallway, I realized I needed to reprioritize my man-list. So, I moved “a heart after His” as my no. 1; and that is what I prayed for. However, as I walked closer and closer to the door on my left, as I walked closer to God’s will for me, I realized I needed to change what I was praying for in general. I stopped telling God what to do, and started asking “God, is this what you want me to do?” I relinquished control. There is power in surrendering.
Now, when an opportunity presents itself- and there are A LOT- I pray first. I ask “God is this you?” Read: How to ask: Can I have sometime to pray over it?
God’s Values will never lead you astray.
Overall, values not only matter, but they also affect how you treat people and what you entertain. Before, my values reflected culture and this brought heart-ache; however, after shifting my values to reflect God’s I have peace.
I continue this discussion in the link below,
Read: What a man loves determines how he will love you.
Money cannot make up for what lack of depth, or character, does not bring to a relationship. And if you are reading DivinePurpose blog I assume you are looking for something deeper. You are looking for a purposed-filled life. You are looking for abundance and want the multiplication factor!
Here’s to inviting God into every area of our lives.
As always- stay blessed,